Dear Crabby, Do You Have Any Predictions for 2019?

Dear Crabby,

Since you seem to know a little bit about everything, I was wondering if you had any predictions for what will happen in the new year?

Thanks!
Hank Hora

Dear Hank Hora,

Predictions, eh? Well, I feel pretty confident in saying that 2019 will give us more mudslinging from the left and right in politics and the Detroit Lions will probably have another lackluster season. Oh! And that most of Michigan’s expressways will still be under construction with no end in sight. Yup. You can take those predictions to the bank.

Dear Crabby sits infront of his laptop

Dear Crabby Gives Advice

I never really did understand people who say they can predict the future. Sure, some folks might have what they call ‘the sight,’ but I think most people predicting things are just trying to scare folks. Probably the most famous cad was that Nostradamus fella way back in the 16th century. He based his predictions largely on astrology and basically the world was doomed. Since then there have been plenty of people claiming they know, down to the date and time, when the world is going to end. Do you remember Y2K? Everything was supposed to come crashing down then and it didn’t. But that doesn’t stop these people from giving their two cents on the matter. I think the last time we were all supposed to be doomed was the fall of 2017. Given the fact I’m writing and you’re reading this, I think we can safely assume we’re gonna be OK. The only soothsayer I ever got behind was Johnny Carson’s ‘Carnac the Magnificent.’ If you’re too young to remember, I suggest you go YouTube it. Carson would come out wearing this ridiculously large feathered turban and a cape and stumble over to his desk and pretend to lose his balance. His longtime sidekick Ed McMahon (Google him) would then introduce the sketch by saying:

I hold in my hand the envelopes. As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. They’ve been kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk and Wagnalls’ porch since noon today. No one knows the contents of these envelopes – but you, in your mystical and borderline divine way, will ascertain the answers having never before heard the questions.”

Carson would then predict what was in the envelope with a few laughs along the way. In fact, the longest laugh recorded from one of these segments was when he asked, “Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes.” The answer? “Sis Boom Bah!” Hysterical. Trust me. I could listen to Carnac’s predictions all day. These other folks? They can keep their underground bunkers.

Wait. Wait a minute. I feel another prediction coming on. Yes! I predict that I will be spending this New Year’s Eve in bed – long before the clock strikes midnight. But don’t you worry, I’ll be back in 2019 and ready to give you a piece of my mind for another 12 months. Think of it as one of those subscription of the month clubs, except it’s free. You’re welcome.

Happy New Year!
Dear Crabby

About Dear Crabby

Stuck in a rut? Need some biased advice from a crabby old baby-boomer? Read regularly by thousands and loved by some, Dear Crabby answers questions weekly to life's challenges. Send him a note at DearCrabby@rochestermedia.com.

Comments

  1. John Sanderson says:

    You missed a big one! The Road Caesars of Oakland County have a $3M taxpayer-funded boondoggle to put in a roundabout at Adams and Gunn Roads. Rather than an overpriced $250,000 light they will only put in a roundabout or leave it a 4 way stop choke point. Despite the Dutton-Adams light handling more traffic, they have extorted Oakland Township into paying $500,000 for this overkill problem. The reason this is important to everyone in the area, besides the criminal waste of money to fix a far from serious problem, this is a public safety hazard. Their “data” shows 12,000 cars a day on Adams that will have to take a detour since Adams will be totally closed for 3 months. It is likely that the rush hour traffic jams at Rochester and Tienken and Orion will need to handle another 6,000 to 8,000 cars a day. Traffic jams aside, how will police and fire get thru the Adams blockade AND all of the traffic? Rocher and Rochester Hills will have a major problem! Probably Lake Orion, too.
    The best fix is to put in a traffic light at Gunn and Adams. Since there is no one that can overrule the RCOC, the next best solution is to close only half of Adams at a time, with a 2 lane bypass. Finish one side, then switch side. Common sense is NOT the RCOC strong suit, nor is being good stewards of public monies. Arrogance and spewing irrelevant or false statistics is!

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