Dear Crabby, Will You Go to Prom with Me?

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Dear Crabby, Not sure if you’re aware, but it’s prom season. I was actually a bit excited that my twins (both girls) were old enough to attend this year… until they told me how much it would cost. Why are proms so expensive? Near Bankrupt, Ariel Triton Dear Mrs. Triton, Oh, I do not envy you. My kids are long past prom age, but I’m enjoying watching them deal with the crazy that surrounds prom these days with their kids. Be thankful you don’t have a son. Have you heard … [Read more...]

Dear Crabby, Why Does Earth Get Its Own Day?

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Dear Crabby, Last weekend I was out working in my yard when my neighbor asked me if I was doing anything for Earth Day. I looked at him like he was crazy. Is this just some liberal crap because it’s an election year? Please tell me Earth Day isn’t a real thing. Thanks! Tony Terra Dear Mr. Terra, Well, I hate to be the one to burst your bubble, but not only is Earth Day a real thing, but it’s been around for over 45 years. Sorry. The good news is that in the spirit of this … [Read more...]

Dear Crabby, Why Do We Pay Taxes?

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Dear Crabby, I know we’re getting close to the deadline, but I just started getting my taxes ready to file. My son asked why adults have to file them and I told him we’d ask you since you know everything. So… why do we have to pay income taxes? Thanks! Tina Tariff Dear Ms. Tariff, My dad always said the only two certainties in life are death and taxes. And boy, do taxes sure feel like death sometimes. Especially if you end up having to pay—ouch! Hey, did you know taxes are … [Read more...]

Dear Crabby, Whose Superhero Side Are You On?

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Dear Crabby, Now that Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice has been out for a few weeks, I’m curious to know which superhero you side with. Thanks! Diana Prince Dear Diana, You know April Fool’s Day was last week, right? There’s a better chance of me getting a tattoo on my fanny than going to see this movie. Don’t get me wrong. I get the appeal of these superhero movies, I really do. What I don’t understand all the need to make them so over-the-top. Big explosions and all that … [Read more...]

Dear Crabby, Is there a Perfect Food?

Dear Crabby Gives Advice

Dear Crabby, Is there a Perfect Food? Sincerely, Reuben Toastmaster   Dear Reuben, Pizza is the answer. Always and forever. Round or square. The answer is Pizza! Simple is best, cheese and pepperoni. However, you may substitute or add more meat. I like to add bacon, ham, and pork sausage - basically, yummy pig meat - with the cheese. Now, you can vary the cheese a bit too, but remember it must have a kind of cheese and meat. I have previously gone on the record stating these … [Read more...]

Dear Crabby, Is it Safe to Drive on St. Patrick’s Day?

Dear Crabby Gives Advice

Dear Crabby, Is it Safe to Drive on St. Patrick's Day? Sincerely, Worried O'Little   Dear Worried, I'm sure you're thinking about all those crazy green-beer guzzling fools who start drinking at 7:00 a.m. on March 17 every year. It sure seems as though that day may be hazardous to your health from behind the wheel; however, as the statistics go, it's not in the top six according to the National Highway Traffic Administration. Believe it or not, Memorial Day weekend is the … [Read more...]

Dear Crabby, Do Robins Go South for Michigan Winters?

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Dear Crabby, I've seen Robins all Winter, I thought robins went South for the Winter in Michigan, what's Going on? Sincerely, Birdy Girl Hello Birdy! I thought so, but I've seen those silly American Robins hanging around this winter too. If I had wings, I'd certainly fly south every winter and enjoy the sun. It's one of those end of winter traditions here in Michigan - spotting the first robin - that let's you know spring in on its way. I remember back when I was a kid, my father … [Read more...]

Dear Crabby, What’s Up with all this ‘Leaping?’

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Dear Crabby, I was looking at my calendar the other day and I noticed this year February has 29 days. Wasn’t there a leap second or something like that last year? And honestly, why do bother with all this leap stuff anyway? Thanks, Tina Tiempo Dear Ms. Tiempo, Yah. Talk about jumping through hoops, eh? You are right. Last year I wrote about the Leap Second and how all our gadgets needed it so the human race can go on Googling and watching stupid cat videos. ‘Cuz heaven help us … [Read more...]

Dear Crabby, Is Uber Safe?

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Dear Crabby, More and more people seem to be using the car service Uber, but I’m just not sure. What are the driver’s qualifications and more importantly, is it safe? Thanks, Thomas Tentative Dear Mr. Tentative, When I first read your question, I thought you were asking if ‘________’ was ‘uber safe.’ I was confused there for a bit until my grandson pointed out what you were really asking while laughing at my expense. So thanks for that. OK. Back to your question. I have … [Read more...]

Dear Crabby, Why Should I Care about Iowa and New Hampshire?

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Dear Crabby, Last week, everyone was all about the Iowa Caucus and this week people can’t seem to shut up about the New Hampshire Primary. What I want to know is why are these two states so important during a presidential election? Thanks! Beatrix Bipartisan Dear Ms. Bipartisan, Excellent question! And honestly… I have no idea. But ain’t it a kick in the head to watch? I bet some of these candidates couldn’t even find these two states on a map before they started campaigning … [Read more...]